Transylvania

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Transylvania

(Steagul Transilvaniei)
Motto național: "Vreau să te mușc !!!"
Limba oficială	Esperanto
Capitala	[Targu Mures / Marosvásárhely / Neumarkt]/Transsexual
Șeful statului	Michael Ignatieff
Independență  - Declarată    - Recunoscută	De la Federația Mândriei Niciodată
Valută	Chiloței
Băutura națională	Pălincă
Motto	"The Empire of Vampire"
Imn Național	YMCA
Floarea națională	Orice roz sau mov

„Îi iubesc pe toți! Vreau să o demonstrez invitându-i pe toți în patul meu!”

~ Michael Jackson către Transilvania

„Ugh.”

~ Tina Turner către Transylvania

„Bine ați venit, în umilul meu castel!”

~ Dracula către Transilvania

„Sunt doar un dulce transvestit... din Transsexual, Transilvania!”

~ Dr. Frank N. Furter către casa lui

Mwa ha ha ha ha! Acest articol vrea să-ți bea sângele!

Transilvania este faimoasă pentru sistemul său educațional superb.

Transylvania's most populous retirement home is Sunnyvale Rest Home, where Tina Turner is reportedly happily spending her time. Transylvania is also famous for having the second-largest population of male Sylvia Plath impersonators in the world, 170,000 at last count, which was surpassed in 2000 by Calgary, Canada.

Society

Transylvania is populated mostly by Romanians and Hungarians, two different nations which share the passion for palinca, a locally produced type of brandy, similar to ţuică.

An important minority in Transylvania is represented by vampires. This ethnic group was first documented by the great historian Bram Stoker, though he was ridiculed by a bunch of skeptics as a "fiction" author. The vampires are very sensitive to quick motion and will eat any living being that moves or talks fast, therefore Transylvanians try to avoid vampire attacks by slow movement and calm talk (they even yell calmly).

Transylvania must not be confused with Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is the Keystone State; I have no knowledged if Transylvanians are stoned.

History

The first inhabitant of Transylvania was God. He had many names. The Dacians called him Decebal, the Romans called him Traian, the Huns called him Attila, the Roman-ians Popescu and the Hun-garians Mikloshortysandorfeherval. Following a stupid bet, God lost the land to Dracula and ever since the land was like a nasty bitch infected with syphillis. Everybody that came got infected. Celts, Romans, Huns and other Muslim brothers like Slavs(disputed), Hungarians(disputed), Romanians(disputed), Bulgars(disputed) and Vampire Bats (undisputable), more Hungarians (with big bows), even more Hungarians, then Saxons (who later became Hungarians), then Mongols (with even bigger bows), then nobody; then Romanians, Hungarians and Germans again, then lady Black Death, then again nobody; then Romanians, Hungarians and Germans again, then Turks (they said were actually just visiting, but complained that were ill treated), then Austrian Hapsburgs (they also loved visiting, to the same result, and lied to the Hungarians that they had the owner's rights), then the Hungarians and Romanians fought a big one about who had the biggest balls, then Russians came and made peace, then more and more Austrians Maghiarization who kicked the Romanians asses, then World War I and Romanian "regăţeni" came taking turns at kicking back Hungarian asses with great delight, then a lot of "regăţeni" and "Mitici" establish in Transylvania, and also fast breeding people from Moldavia (with a short memory), then Communism and Romanization, then the people revolted and ended the Communist state, a thing that upset the remaining Germans so much that they all fled to Germany or became Hungarians just to upset the Romanians. Then for more than 15 years absolutely nothing happened. Transylvanians just ate pigs and waited. Lots of pigs. During World War II, Transylvania was invaded by a mad scientist with a belly shirt and a group of Nazi zombies. Their brave efforts were thwarted by a boy with floss and a little girl in a flying coffin, as documented in the historical comic book Hellsing, and it became, for a while, Hungarian once again.

Transylvania was recently received in The United States of Europe as a recognition for its contribution to the universal culture of horrors.

Romania burned history books, and claims Transylvania was always Romanian, that Hungarians are actually Mongols, and that THE KING (Elvis P.) lives in their closet, which is by all acounts true.

Disputed Zones

• Transylvania. Actually the Pridal Federation still claims Transylvania its own.
• Wallachia. Another kingdom founded by Vlad "the Penetrator" Dracula after he lost Transylvania to the Romanians. It's just like Transylvania, but with more blood (less vampires, hence more blood).

See Also

• Dracula
• Romania and Geography of Romania
• Michael Jackson
• Vlad the Impaler

External links

• Transylvania Castles
• Transylvanian tourism agency
• The digital map of Cluj, a Transylvanian county (caritas home)