Politics of Romania

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This article is part of the What I Didn't Know about Romania series.

Political figures of Romania[modificare]


Ceausescu was one of the greatest kings of Romania. No one knows where he was born, but the rumour is that his mother left him in the jungle, and that he was adopted by a wild pack of communists. At the age of 10, he learned the communists language, and started to use it. He was then voted king of the jungle, taking the lions place.

Elena, a brainless atomic mutant. Isn't she sweet?

When he was 21, he found a strange egg near a dogs nest. The egg then hatched, and Elena, a brainless atomic mutant, came out. It was love at first sight! They got married, and went in Bucharest for the honeymoon. There, they made 5 children: Richard Nixon, Ali Baba, Che Guevera, The Pope and Bill Gates.

No one knows how, but the Ceausescu couple became king and queen of Romania; the first law they made was that the Rumanians work twice as hard (note that the main occupation in Romania is nose picking) - so the Rumanians are the hardest nose-picking workers in the area.

With the left overs from their nose picking they erected many monuments and that's why their capital, Bucharest, is "muci" - "wonderful" in English. In the late 80's Ceausescu feared that he would soon be overthrown from the throne so he employed great shamen from beyond many mountains and many seas (Iraq, Serbia) to perform dark rituals to make him even more powerful. He paid them in food and he paid them so richly that no food was left in the country.

That's why on the 25-th of december 1989, Ceausescu was eaten by a wild pack of newly hatched rumanian cannibals. Alas, that was the end of one of the greatest kings of the jungle!

Dracula Escu[modificare]

Dracula Escu is the former King of Romania, today he transformed in a president or, at least, that's the way they told us.

Escu I: CeausEscu

Escu II: IliEscu (although many people considered IliEscu as good as Ceausescu but those people were just some punks (or 'golani' as IliEscu used to call them)

Escu II bis: IliEscu

Escu III: ConstantinEscu

Again Escu II the second (or the third, you'll never know): IliEscu

Escu IV (or the fifth???): BasEscu (and only because Escu II couldn't ran again for president)

2009 - Escu V: ....Escu - 50% of Romanians hope that Iliescu will be the next president (again???) ; 90% of Romanians hope that Iliescu will be just dead.

Gigi Becali[modificare]

Also known as Jiji Berbecali, he is one of the greatest Romanian politicians.

Although his origins disappear in the mists of time and no one knows his age, there are rumours that he may be the result of the love between a Moldavian shepherd and his black sheep, if we are to believe the Romanian legend Mioriţa.

He started as a shepherd, following his family's tradition. Then, he bought a football club called Steaua (the Star), which is very popular among the alcohol soaked seed-eating (seed-cracking ??) Romanians who regularly engage in wars with drunk seed-eating red dogs supporting the football club Dinamo (untranslatable) and dark skinned pot smoking giuleştians supporting the football club Rapid (a sort of Fast Train).

At a time of social unrest following the leaving of the national god Ceausescu to heavens, when the rulers of the country were about to sell it to the martian mob, he decided it was the time to take Romania's fate into his own hands and bring a meaning to the existence of the drunk Romanians.

Since then, he has been called the Warrior of Light. Now he wanders through the country and the TV screens together with his faithful servant and bodyguard Meme Stoica, carrying a Bible in his pocket and "The Warrior of the Light" by Paulo Coelho in his other one, smoking crack and fighting injustice, poverty, the Hungarians and the windmills. He doesn't own a horse any more, because it was stolen, but the thieves were kind enough to leave him a Maybach instead.

His worst enemies are the journalists, especially 2 of them called Huidu and Găinuşă. He also hates Antena 1, a rather important TV station owned by his idiotic political adversary, Dan Voiculescu.

It is interesting to notice that Gigi Becali likes to impersonate Romanian Historical figures, such as Michael the Brave or Corneliu Zelea-Codreanu, known for their violent deaths (decapitation and strangulation). Either he considers himself their equal, or he's looking forward to embrace thier tragic destinies, the future of mr. Becali is,for the moment, to be decided by the Romanian High Court. Gigi "The Bear" Becali also known as The Warior of Light. Hystorical sources shown that he is the unrecognised brother of Jesus. He died cariing his star (The Star of Bucharest)in stad of cross because he doesn't knew rather he was a chrestian or a jew.

See also[modificare]